I'm headed home from The Mom 2.0 Summit. I came here to be inspired to blog again after a long hiatus and under new circumstances. It was indeed inspiring and so, I woke up this morning and instead of working out, I started my new blog...about my new life.
I'm from Texas but I now live and work in the Washington, D.C. area. But when you're from Texas, you are always from Texas and so I need to declare that important fact from the beginning. I have a lot to say. I think it's interesting and hopefully you will too. So, let's dive right in...shall we?
Let me introduce myself to you. I am a mom to one amazing, funny, smart, loving, energetic (code for never ever stops moving and talking unless he is sleeping), and vibrant little boy. He is my second child. My first child, Bella, died last year. My favorite picture of her is in the footer of the blog. I know that's some heavy info to process but if we are going to get to know each other, I need to share that with you up front. This is my personal journey through an unexpected life, an unexpected divorce, an unexpected death and the unexpected blessings, joys and wisdom gathered along the way. It's a really special journey even though most days I feel lost (in a good way). I don't know where life is going and that's ok by me. I just know where I have been and I'm working hard to apply all I learned to our new life.
The biggest change I am learning to process is learning to love one child on earth and one child in heaven. I miss my baby. I miss holding her and kissing her. Having to learn to love a child in heaven is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I went from being a parent to one child with special needs and one typically developing boy to a parent with one child in heaven and one on earth.
I need to tell you this up front because I never realized how many people ask you this question, "How many children do you have?" I also never realized how often my son is asked, "Do you have brothers or sisters?" I only realized how often these questions come up after Bella died. Bella is very much in my heart. I don't want to exclude her from my conversation or my life. How could I ever do that? She changed my life in such a massive, earthshaking way and I want to make her part of my life. I have taken a cue from my son and I just answer it honestly and succinctly. I just say, "I had two children. My daughter is in heaven and my son is 6."
There's more to me than parenting. I married a good man but our marriage didn't survive the toddler years and the special circumstances a special needs 2 year old and a colicky newborn brought us. But we remain friendly. After all, we have been through so much together that we are bonded for life in partnership and we honor our children by very amicably parenting our son.
I am engaged to marry a dear friend of more than a decade who has been my lifeline through the last year. He loved Bella and he loves me and my son with all his heart. He's older than me, wiser than me, doesn't embrace social media and has different parenting values so blending our family is an adventure. He is my very best friend in the world and we are figuring it all out as we move along.
I'm a working mom with a really demanding job that I love but we are coming off our busiest four month period ever and that fact, combined with a year of grieving has me emotionally exhausted. Like any parent, I feel stretched to the maximum degree possible and battling for happiness, time alone and time with family and friends. I need to become proficient with Skype. I need to stop being a hermit before my friends forget what I look like. It's time to move forward.
One year into my new life, I am a mixture of happy, busy, sad, hopeful, and tired. I'm a lot like you. I hope you join me on this journey and find it interesting. Life can be pretty funny, pretty heartbreaking and messy. My posts won't be serious all the time. I'm actually pretty funny too.
I'm from Texas but I now live and work in the Washington, D.C. area. But when you're from Texas, you are always from Texas and so I need to declare that important fact from the beginning. I have a lot to say. I think it's interesting and hopefully you will too. So, let's dive right in...shall we?
Let me introduce myself to you. I am a mom to one amazing, funny, smart, loving, energetic (code for never ever stops moving and talking unless he is sleeping), and vibrant little boy. He is my second child. My first child, Bella, died last year. My favorite picture of her is in the footer of the blog. I know that's some heavy info to process but if we are going to get to know each other, I need to share that with you up front. This is my personal journey through an unexpected life, an unexpected divorce, an unexpected death and the unexpected blessings, joys and wisdom gathered along the way. It's a really special journey even though most days I feel lost (in a good way). I don't know where life is going and that's ok by me. I just know where I have been and I'm working hard to apply all I learned to our new life.
The biggest change I am learning to process is learning to love one child on earth and one child in heaven. I miss my baby. I miss holding her and kissing her. Having to learn to love a child in heaven is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I went from being a parent to one child with special needs and one typically developing boy to a parent with one child in heaven and one on earth.
I need to tell you this up front because I never realized how many people ask you this question, "How many children do you have?" I also never realized how often my son is asked, "Do you have brothers or sisters?" I only realized how often these questions come up after Bella died. Bella is very much in my heart. I don't want to exclude her from my conversation or my life. How could I ever do that? She changed my life in such a massive, earthshaking way and I want to make her part of my life. I have taken a cue from my son and I just answer it honestly and succinctly. I just say, "I had two children. My daughter is in heaven and my son is 6."
There's more to me than parenting. I married a good man but our marriage didn't survive the toddler years and the special circumstances a special needs 2 year old and a colicky newborn brought us. But we remain friendly. After all, we have been through so much together that we are bonded for life in partnership and we honor our children by very amicably parenting our son.
I am engaged to marry a dear friend of more than a decade who has been my lifeline through the last year. He loved Bella and he loves me and my son with all his heart. He's older than me, wiser than me, doesn't embrace social media and has different parenting values so blending our family is an adventure. He is my very best friend in the world and we are figuring it all out as we move along.
I'm a working mom with a really demanding job that I love but we are coming off our busiest four month period ever and that fact, combined with a year of grieving has me emotionally exhausted. Like any parent, I feel stretched to the maximum degree possible and battling for happiness, time alone and time with family and friends. I need to become proficient with Skype. I need to stop being a hermit before my friends forget what I look like. It's time to move forward.
One year into my new life, I am a mixture of happy, busy, sad, hopeful, and tired. I'm a lot like you. I hope you join me on this journey and find it interesting. Life can be pretty funny, pretty heartbreaking and messy. My posts won't be serious all the time. I'm actually pretty funny too.
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